I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
