To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
