hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
