So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
