There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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