I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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