I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
