TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
