Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
