does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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