ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
