After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
