I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
