I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
