remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
