He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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