one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
