yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Farmville is her only friend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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