3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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