Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
