she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
