We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
