i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
