It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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