This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
