The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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