I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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