We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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