We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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