I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
