Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
