Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
