Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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