Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
