I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
