My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
