dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
