Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
