he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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