I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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