Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
