my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
