Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
