Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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