dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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