Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
