I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
