I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
