I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
