Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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