TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
