Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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