real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
